I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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