Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
