The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
