i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
