One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize