In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
