I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
