Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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