FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
