Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
