Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
