What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
