Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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