Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
