It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
