I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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