did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
