I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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