..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she woke up with a sticky ear
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
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