I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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