You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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