Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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