you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize