Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
