The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
