Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
