You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i came on her dog
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Randomize
