after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
