you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
