The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
