Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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