I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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