Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
