he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize