I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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