He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
