I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
just tell him i said nine months
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
