I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She's the barista slut.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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