The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
