Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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