I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize