Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Randomize
