I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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