Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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