Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
