i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
