Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
