I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Gay?
German.
Pity.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
