Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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