So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Be still, my beating vagina.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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