my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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