why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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