Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
