Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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