I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Randomize
