if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize