I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I forget how to act sober
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
