So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
