THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
