Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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