We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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