maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
operation harelip BJ is a go
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
