Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
