There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
