Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
