Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
