You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
