I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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