accomplished twins. life is a go
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
