i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
