John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Your cock deserves a montage
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
