Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Randomize
