Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
