Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Randomize
