i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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