He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
