So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
