Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
