she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
