you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
