so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
