I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
