tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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