When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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