Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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