Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
