Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
