Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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