Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize