she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
