Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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