My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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