Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
