Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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