So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
