Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
