You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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