just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize