Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
