Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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