Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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