just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
