I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize