As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
