I got chris browned last night
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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