When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
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