I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize