i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
