your thong is hanging out like whoa
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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